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Семейный Совет 29.01.14 19:29

Если ты решил создать семью

 Рано или поздно каждый из нас приходит  к осознанию необходимости создания семьи. Семья является одним из самых главных смыслов жизни человека, но не все на самом деле знают и понимают, как выбрать жену или мужа, как завоевать сердце любимой или любимого, как сохранить семейное счастье? Этими вопросами все чаще задаются молодые пары. На эти и другие вопросы вам ответит рубрика "Семейный совет"

 

  • В каком возрасте лучше создавать семью?
    Владимир, 17 лет, воспитанник детского дома (Москва)

В таком деле лучше ориентироваться не столько на возраст, сколько на собственные потребности и возможности. Если вы уже достигли совершеннолетия и по закону нашей страны можете вступать в брак, то в остальном лучше ориентироваться на собственные силы, учитывая ситуацию вашей жизни. Достаточно ли ваше материальное благосостояние, чтобы семья могла уверенно существовать? Чувствуете ли вы себя достаточно зрелым и уверенным человеком, чтобы нести на себе часть ответственности за семью и детей? Способны ли вы жить в гармонии, любви и душевном комфорте вместе с другим человеком? В конце концов — будете ли вы рады созданию семьи и когда это желанно именно для вас?

С биологической точки зрения — у более молодых родителей выше шансы успешно родить здоровых детей. С психологической — чем более зрелыми и сознательными являются родители, тем реальнее создание крепкого брака и воспитание психологически здоровых детей. Важно понимать, что зрелость и осознанность не приходят с возрастом сами, нужно учиться жить вместе, нужно учиться быть в гармонии с собой. Согласитесь, для малышей небезопасно жить в семье, раздираемой конфликтами, или когда кто-то из родителей переживает сильный душевный дискомфорт, депрессию или апатию, сильную вину, обиду, ревность или злость, которые не проходят годами.

 

  • Очень хочу иметь свою семью. Посоветуйте, с чего начать?
    Аня, 19 лет, выпускница детского дома (г. Астрахань)

Для начала определитесь — что значит для вас «иметь семью». Каких отношений вам хочется? Какая атмосфера для вас норма в семье, а какой не должно быть ни при каких обстоятельствах? Что для вас самое главное? Общайтесь с разными людьми и подмечайте, с какими вам хорошо. Не забудьте и о тех, кому хорошо с вами. Подумайте, какие качества вашей личности помогают вам жить, а какие мешают.

Есть книги, написанные специально для молодых супругов. Есть популярные издания и по психологии семьи, их стоит прочитать.

А ещё — просто посмотрите на тех людей, с кем вы живёте рядом, это ведь тоже своего рода семья. Пусть это будет сестра или бабушка, не важно, — как вы общаетесь с ними в быту, в обычных делах? Подумайте, легко ли вам вместе с кем-то? Что даётся легко, а что сложно? Умеете ли вы выстраивать близкие отношения, брать на себя часть ответственности за семью? Для начала этого вполне хватит.

 

  • Нужно ли регистрировать брак?
    Алёна, 18 лет, выпускница интерната (Санкт-Петербург)

Это ваше право — регистрировать брак или нет. Регистрация брака даёт семье, ребёнку защиту законом. А кроме того — право на льготы молодым семьям.

У молодых людей много сил, и поэтому им часто кажется, что ничего плохого случиться не может. Важно то, что брак даёт официальную защиту ребёнку — у него ведь не так много сил и возможностей, как у взрослых.

А ещё регистрация брака и свадьба — это ритуал, имеющий психологическое значение, придающий дополнительную значимость и атмосферу праздника такому важную событию, как вступление в брак.

Если вам не нужна защита закона, льготы, если формальный ритуал бракосочетания вам не важен и если оба партнёра так хотят — то и регистрировать брак не обязательно.

Вступление в брак — это подписание формального договора. Если вы хотите договариваться официально, то получаете защиту законом в случае нарушения договора партнёром.

Вспомните себя — когда вы нуждались в защите и получили её — было ли вам хорошо? Когда вы нуждались в защите и не получили её — каково вам было?

 

 

 

На ваши вопросы отвечает Ольга Ивановна Цатурян,

психолог центра социальной адаптации «ОПОРА», консультант сайта выпускников детских домов neodni.ru. Окончила психологический факультет Московского государственного университета им. М.В. Ломоносова. Работает по специальности более 40 лет. Любит путешествия, музыку, интересные фильмы, море, цветы и ещё миллион разных вещей. Ну а в целом, по возможности, разумное сочетание стабильности и приключений, постоянства и новизны, разума и эмоций.

                                                                                                                              

Материалы рубрики «Семейный совет» подготовлены Автономной некоммерческой организацией Центр социальной адаптации «ОПОРА» в рамках программы «Становление»

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